Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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