There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
