idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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