I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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