Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
