My sheets look like a crime scene.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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