I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
