She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
