can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
