just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
