She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
