He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
