And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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