I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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