I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
