I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
