Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
