Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
