Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
