FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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