I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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