My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
