I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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