why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
