dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
pray to the hookup gods
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
