It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
