So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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