Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
