The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
