Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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