Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
