dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
