oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
