Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
