Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
