My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
