i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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