Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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