i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
