You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
