I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
