You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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