We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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