ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
