I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
