allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
