i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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