I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
