the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
