just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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