I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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