sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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