I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
