Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
