Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think i have two assholes
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
