Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
