ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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