flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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