Rock
Scissors
Fuck
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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